I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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