p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
