any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
