I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Randomize
