can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
