tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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