you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
