Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
