u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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