I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
