You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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