just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize