so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
