I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
