APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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