So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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