I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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