Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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