I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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