guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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