Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Randomize
