i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
