I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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