Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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