We're facebook friends in real life
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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