He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
