The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
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