What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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