I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
The uberlube is also flammable
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
