fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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