so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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