never play flip cup with pint glasses
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
