If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still dying that you shit outside
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize