Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
