In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
did you just send me my own nude
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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