took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
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