a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
