Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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