I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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