you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
