It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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