we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
