I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
