i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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