Why are handjobs necessary in class?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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