So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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