Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
oh god the rape fog is back!
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
