Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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