I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
