We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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