all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
