We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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