I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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