So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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