I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
