Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
