I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Still dying that you shit outside
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
