i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
