Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
