naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I forgot wine drunk hurts
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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