I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
