wat bout pragnant strippers??
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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