Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
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Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
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We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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