i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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